无题

很久没有写博客了,不但博客长了草,人也像长了草一样,了无生气,一片荒芜。每次想起来总是以工作很忙没时间为借口来原谅自己,但是真的是这样吗?显然不是,因为还有时间追新出的电视剧,还有时间看无聊的YY小说,还有时间参加各种聚会,甚至还有时间唱歌打牌,却再也没有时间像从前一样思索自己的人生。

工作之后感觉整个人变得懈怠了,变得安于现状,变得不思进取,变得趋于平庸,说好的绽放青春、大展宏图呢,毕业时的豪言壮语这么快就全部喂狗了吗?我似乎不再愿意花时间去学习、去思考,而只是机械的完成分配的工作,然后任性妄为的将大把时间花费在一些毫无意义的地方,我不知道这样的自己和行尸走肉有什么区别。作为一个悲观主义者,我开始感到深深的恐惧,我害怕在这样荒芜的生活中迷失了自己,我害怕多年之后的我会怨恨现在的自己。

记得小时候总是幻想这个世界是为自己设定的,周围的人都是群众演员,常常和那个造物主谈条件,试图用自己的魔法棒控制周围的一切,这种中二病居然持续了很久,直到近几年才越来越觉得自己才是个群众演员,才越来越认清自己的渺小与无奈。有时甚至不明白生活的意义是什么,也曾想过如果自己突然死掉了那这个世界上的一切是不是就和自己没有任何联系了,那是不是死亡也是无所谓的,但每每这样想的时候却又明确感到自己仍然眷恋这个世界,眷恋这个自己并没有那么喜欢的世界,也许只是因为某个人,也许只是因为某个小小的自己也说不清的原因,总之就在这样反反复复的思想斗争中坚强的生活着。

从前我总是喜欢给自己设定一些目标,证明自己的态度,但往往都实现不了,因为我不是一个有毅力的孩子,所以今天我只是想和自己随便聊聊,拔掉脑袋上的草,种一些更有意义的植物,比如向日葵。

7 thoughts on “无题

    • Jan-Erik,That was quite an adventure and I agree that giving up is clearly not your favorite option. I myself would have discovered that there were no paths, and then thought about the ramifications of getting bitten by a viper – me alone up in the scrub with nobody at all likely to come along – and have taken the coa7wd&#821r;s way out ( back to clearly defined paths … and many fewer birds than you! )Enjoyed your report and look forward to more sometime in the future!Best, Norm Farrell

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  2. Oi Dr. Osmar, bom dia!!Eu achei o resultado do Corinthians excepcional, afinal imagino que muitos perderão pontos contra o Grêmio em POA.O time não jogou bem, mas foi valente, principalmente após tomar o primeiro gol.Fiquei um pouco decepcionado com o futebol apresentado pelo Wlliam. Acho que ele perderá espaço com a chegada do Emerson. O sr. concorda? Forte abraço,

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